Deviant Login Shop  Join deviantART for FREE Take the Tour
×

:iconeyeofhavoc: More from EyeOfHavoc


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
March 28, 2011
File Size
741 bytes
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
1,036 (2 today)
Favourites
61 (who?)
Comments
224
Downloads
4
×
Wrap your hands,
Around my neck,

Force me,
Down to my knees,

Mush my mouth,
Against concrete.

Tell me that you love me,
Pretty-Please.

Push me,
Make me fall.

Bruise me as I bawl,
Just love me.

Hurt me,
Endanger me.

Tie me up,
Throw me down.

Just hurt me,
'Till;

I can't breathe.
I'm weird.....I know. W/e though<3
Add a Comment:
 
:icontubefed:
tubefed Apr 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
May I say, I love your usage of bold/italics. As I read it, italics come out as a cry, a whisper, a whimper, etc. while bolded phrases are commands, or rise in desperation. It really creates an interesting effect, especially with the play of normal font that makes sure the lines keep that emphasis. (Because if it was all italic/bold, it wouldn’t really stand out or make a difference, you know?) And then the climax of the poem: “I can’t breathe” with both font types? Nice planning there.
Anyways, this is a great display of those masochistic-esque emotions that involve love & lust. The contradictions are painfully understandable—relatable, on one level or another, for most of us. The interesting thing about this poem is that it can really be interpreted differently. When taken literally, this is a rather dark poem with some self-abusive themes. However, with that said, the rawness of the emotion is almost alarming, and I can't help but take this as something inward...physical pain manifested from an emotion.
Reply
:iconeyeofhavoc:
EyeOfHavoc Apr 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Wow. Thank you:heart:
Reply
:icontubefed:
tubefed Apr 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I only wrote what I thought. :3
Reply
:iconeyeofhavoc:
EyeOfHavoc Apr 21, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you<3
Reply
:iconnearlyinvisiblemind:
NearlyInvisibleMind Apr 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is great!
Reply
:iconeyeofhavoc:
EyeOfHavoc Apr 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you<3
Reply
:iconricardo-orozco:
Ricardo-Orozco Apr 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
im weird too<3 :) I like this one!
Reply
:iconeyeofhavoc:
EyeOfHavoc Apr 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Lol, thank you:heart:
Reply
:iconlittlemouse015:
littlemouse015 Apr 26, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I really love the mixture of emotion: the hurt, the lust, the need, the desperation, the willingness, the reluctance. The poison in the words, the seduction. Such a boiling kettle of contradictions. So endlessly deep. If you read and read it over and read it over again you find another meaning and piece of soul.
"I can't breathe." You're last line is beautifully powerful. It encompasses all of the emotions poured out. The pressure, and yet the hope.
I also like the originality of the variations of italic, bold, and small. It adds a lot of stress to some things and naturally makes you dig deep with the smaller print. Thinking, "I gotta read the smaller lines, too," and you really analyze things.
This is going to sound wierd, but I think on the lines, "Bruise me as I bawl, Just love me." I think you should make the "Just love me" the line in bold, because I find it to be almost the most striking part of the poem. But then again, I don't know if you have any rhyme or reason to the differences in text. If you do, this is simply my opinion given in all due respect.
All of the lines in the poem are almost perfectly executed. Not too much repetition, all with significant worth, etc.
Thanks for the intriguing read.
Reply
:iconeyeofhavoc:
EyeOfHavoc Apr 26, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Oh my goodness, thank you:heart:

And for the bolding and such...'I love you' isn't bolded because it's like a plead to be accepted..Not a command. I tried it the other way before posting it a it didn't look right to me..Or it didn't match what I felt personally.<3
Reply
Add a Comment: